Five Secrets to a Lifetime of Happiness

I’ve been writing about happiness a lot lately, and as I think back on those articles, I realize they can be boiled down to five secrets. So, here we go!

Secret #1. Focus on Faith, Family, Friendship & Work that Serves Others.

Research shows that when people turn age 65, half of them get happier, while the other half get sadder. What is the key difference between these two groups? Before we answer that question, I think we can agree that we are all trying hard to be successful, regardless of our definition of success. However, the reality of life is that the more successful you are, the sadder you are likely to be later. Why? As success grows, the sense of identity, satisfaction, and purpose often diminishes, leading individuals to feel less important and less valuable.

Nobody is ever rich enough, famous enough or powerful enough.

—Arthur Schopenhauer

Arthur Brooks refers to this as “the striver’s curse” in his latest book, From Strength to Strength: How to Find Success and Fulfillment in the Second Half of Life. The higher people climb, the more attached they become to success. Then, of course, the harder they fall when success ultimately begins to fade.

Brooks suggests that if you attempt to boil down the vast ocean of research on happiness and fulfillment, you’ll find that success is not part of the formula. The happiest people are committed to faith, family, friendship, and work that serves others.

Those that led a more substantive life based on the above factors are more relatable. They simply go to their graves happier.

Courtesy of Debby Hudson via Unsplash

I wrote more on this topic in a piece called “How to Die with a Big Fat Smile on Your Face.”

Secret #2. Plan to Thrive Before You Die.

I think we can all agree that the goal during our time on Earth is to thrive, so that at the end of the road, we are full of memories and experiences that leave us satisfied with the journey. That’s the premise of Bill Perkins’ new book, Die with Zero, and a philosophy we should all consider. The book is about making the most of your adventure on Earth before it’s too late. It comes with numerous important lessons for creating “memory dividends” before you die—memories that become more valuable over time.

One of the best ways to do that is to begin creating positive life experiences early on. You know, those life experiences or memories that we wouldn’t trade for any amount of money?

It comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying.

-Andrew Dufresne (Shawshank Redemption)

See, we all think that life remains static over time, that we will always have more time later, and that our friends and family will always be there. They won’t. Friends come and go, children grow up and move away, and people we care about get sick and die. Life is in constant flux. Create those “memory dividends” early, so you’ll have a library of experiences to enjoy as you age.

If you are 50 years old today, you only have a 50% chance of living to see age 80. Even if you do live to 80, there’s no guarantee that you’ll be in any condition to travel and do the things you’ve dreamed about during all those years driving the desk at work. So, start creating those memories while you can still get up and go!

Courtesy of Brendan Church via Unsplash

Ingredient #3: Your Happiness Peaks Between 18-20 Years Old.

A recent survey suggests that the happiness of today’s young adults has declined over the last few years. So, what’s making the kids so unhappy?

The simple truth is that our happiness peaks at around 18-20 years old and declines every year until we reach our mid-50s. Pretty depressing, huh?

In their mid-20s, young adults start to realize that mom and dad were F.O.S. They begin to learn that they aren’t special and can’t really do anything they set their mind to. As a result, their 20s can seem like a letdown.  

That let down is leading to some major sociological trends, namely delayed adulthood. The irony of delayed adulthood is that once the happiness starts to slide in your early twenties, it doesn’t return until your mid-70s. So delaying adulthood only serves to delay the return of happiness. Kinda depressing again, huh?

In our 40s, most people begin to realize that life is pretty good, even if they aren’t Taylor Swift or Tom Brady, and those with a spiritual foundation seem to reach this nirvana sooner than others. We begin to recognize our blessings and acknowledge our own mortality. We practice a little more gratitude over what we have and hold. Our happiness slide begins to bottom out, and we start a steep climb out of the pit of despair, realizing that life’s not so bad after all.

If you’re in the pit of despair, it’s probably because you don’t follow Wit & Wisdom on Spotify, Apple iTunes, iHeart Radio, or any other major podcast platforms. If you already follow our show, please invite a friend to follow the show too.

Secret #4: Delay, Delay, Delay Gratification.

People who learn to manage their need for immediate gratification will thrive more in their careers, relationships, health, and fitness—but, it’s hard. We aren’t wired to delay our gratification, and today, we are surrounded by more temptation than a toddler in a candy aisle. How many times have you scrolled through TikTok at night until your eyes bled? How many times have you binge-watched a Netflix show in just three nights? I don’t even need to ask how many times you’ve eaten ice cream when you know you shouldn’t. You hated yourself later, didn’t you? If it’s hard for adults, imagine how much harder it will be for today’s kids to resist temptation when it really matters.

See, even beyond careers, relationships, and fitness, most of the world’s problems are a consequence of immediate gratification. Ever watched an episode of “Behind the Music,” or wondered why most lottery winners file for bankruptcy?

In addition, the iPhone has taken away many of the “rights of passage” experienced by prior generations. Today’s youth will never know the pure panic of waiting in the carpool line and wondering if the janitor will have to drive you home because Mom is late and cell phones haven’t been invented yet.

According to studies by psychologist Daniel Kahneman, “Humans consistently overestimate the value or pleasure of what they don’t have and underestimate the pain or loss of losing something they do have.” That kind of thinking is what causes us to do really dumb things.

I wrote more about this topic in a piece called “The Importance of Delayed Gratification.”

Secret #5 Embrace the Solitude.

Our lives today are the antithesis of minimalism. We are surrounded by chattering voices: the talking heads on TV, podcasts, social media, Netflix, and the constant buzzing and pinging of smartphones. Life is anything but simple—and it’s never quiet. It’s nearly impossible to hear yourself think or to even think for yourself. After all, those endless chattering voices are simply a cacophony of other people’s thoughts, not yours.

With all that noise, it’s no wonder that people are burned out and thirsty for more from life. There is simply no time—

No time for quiet contemplation.

No time for reflection.

No time to simply listen to your own thoughts.

Enlightenment isn’t gained from more time living a parallel existence in a virtual social media world or working another 7-day-workaholic-work-week.

Enlightenment comes from within. It is gained by being in the present moment, expanding your understanding of life and the world around you, and growing your awareness. It’s the reason why Jesus Christ, Moses, and Mohammed went on their own spiritual walkabouts.

Perhaps what we need right now is to eliminate more of the noise and distraction of life—to find more seclusion, more simplicity, more clarity. To sit with ourselves, perhaps in nature, and enjoy a bit of solitude.

I wrote more about this topic in a piece called “The Power of Personal Solitude.”

Alrighty, we’ve learned a lot here today about the secrets of a happy life. Let’s do a quick summary of the five lessons. First, focus on faith, family, friendship, and work that serves others. Second, plan to thrive before you die. Third, your happiness peaks early and late. Fourth, delay, delay, delay gratification. Fifth, embrace the solitude.

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