Six Simple Ways Develop Resilience During the Pandemic
This Coronavirus pandemic is giving us a chance to look at things from a different perspective. For the first time in our lives, we cannot look at our children and promise “every thing is gonna be okay.” That’s gonna be hard for them…and you.
Everything is cancelled or postponed right now. Everything. Even baseball.
I attended my first Major League Baseball game in June, 1975. The Braves lost 2-1 to the Pittsburgh Pirates. I can’t remember my own current phone number, but I can recall the score of this otherwise unremarkable game.
This was back when the Pirates wore those god-awful, flat-top hats. They would have looked better wearing Tricorn hats. You know, the ones with three corners that all respectable pirates wear?
Somewhere in the middle of the game, in between the peanuts and popcorn, a Pirates batter got beaned in the shoulder with a zinger of a pitch.
And that’s where the story begins.
America’s Team
I know it wasn’t intentional. Back then our greatest pitchers couldn’t find the plate, or their own asses, with both hands. Anyway, the Pirates batter quickly stood up, tossed the bat & helmet aside and took the slow jog to first base. But he never rubbed his shoulder.
In baseball there is an unwritten rule that says, “big-leaguers don't rub.” The idea is to maintain a tough facade. And to act like the pitcher throws “weak-ass stuff” that doesn’t even hurt when it hits you.
Ouch! Watch how hard he tries not to rub his shoulder.
Baseball is silly, that way. For an example of how silly baseball can be, watch Kevin Costner in Bull Durham, 1988. Or just click here to watch what happens during those ridiculous “mound meetings”.
“Candlesticks”
The game taught me a lot about baseball. And a lot about life. Because in the game of life, we’re gonna get beaned by a few zingers or a few pandemics.
But how we get up, dust ourselves off and jog to first base is what matters. It’s called resilience.
And since it’s Easter, I want to give a shout out to the original poster-boy for resilience: Jesus. The whole rising from the dead thing? Pretty resilient, huh?
The Coronavirus is changing us in ways we never imagined. See, we’ve just been hit by the pitch. We haven’t even dusted ourselves off yet.
I’m not talking, necessarily, about biological resilience. I’m talking about psychological and emotional resilience.
Surviving this contagion may have more to do with your mental fitness than your physical fitness. It’s less about getting hit with the pitch-and more about dusting yourself off.
The Kids…
Resilience requires a tremendous sense of optimism and a clear purpose. Because how we handle ourselves after we get hit with the inside fastball can be revealing. And that’s where today’s kids are struggling.
See, our kids have been underserved by the public school system. Or, perhaps, pandered to by private schools full of narcissism. I think we’d all agree that our kids are living a significantly better life than we did.
“I went to work every day prepared to die in a tiger cage. Dying doesn’t scare me. At all.”
Joe Exotic
I’m not suggesting that they are spoiled, but they’ve likely never experienced the harsh realities of the real-world. Not cause they’re lazy or incompetent. But because they’ve had other commitments. Commitments like voice lessons, professional tutors, lacrosse tournaments, AP Science projects; you get the point.
“It’s your reaction to adversity, not adversity itself that determines how your life’s story will develop.”
― Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Our kids are incredibly hard workers. And they assume that hard work will automatically result in the intended outcome. But real-life is different. And the real-world outside of their small pond is tough. And our kids are about to get a hard lesson in life. (Harder than the whole “Santa is a hoax” lesson.)
The hard lesson is as follows:
Parents do not control the future, and
Life, at times, is incredibly unfair.
With the best of intentions, we have bent the world to facilitate our kid’s success and advancement. Because of this, they have rarely exercised the resilience muscle. They have likely never faced adversity with real consequences, because failure is not an option. Mainly cause their failure is our failure. And we just can’t have that. It’s untenable.
"In the midst of winter I found in me an invincible summer."
Albert Camus
But our kids are about to get a real-world opportunity to test that resiliency muscle. Some will miss Senior Prom. Some will miss Graduation. Some will miss important sporting events. Events for which they’ve spent years preparing. Yes, at times, life is incredibly unfair.
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou
In the real world, good doesn’t always triumph over bad. And, arbitrary events do happen. And failure is an option. The good news is that when your daughter gets a “Needs Improvement” on her first performance appraisal at work, she’ll have the muscle memory for dealing with those emotions.
The Hills are Closed
Look, you’ve got to take care of yourself-and your people-everyday. And you need to develop those resiliency muscles. You may need them sooner than you think. This virus is nasty.
This person needs to see a Gastroenterologist immediately.
The Six Things
There is a sure-fire formula of six things that can help you and your kids improve your resiliency skills during the down-time. Here they are:
Focus (Only) on Today: When I get anxious, I have a “go-to move”. I start to predict the future. Smart people call this future-tripping. I begin to envision all these bat-shit crazy scenarios that could play out. (In full disclosure I am absolutely terrible at predicting the future.) So I remind myself of my track record often. I also have to actively refocus my energy on today—because tomorrow will worry about itself. And, each day has enough trouble of its own.
Move: I’ve had a ridiculous number of conference calls in the last few weeks. On some days I start walking during my first call. Several busy days resulted in over 15 miles. Sometimes my wife has to come and fetch me. Walking is my way of channeling all this Covid-Anxiety. So get up and get moving-even if it’s just walking. You’ll feel better about things, I promise.
Look in the Mirror: While you have some time, take a passion inventory. I’m betting that your real passions are those activities that make you feel most engaged with the world? Things like writing or painting or reading. Or, in my wife’s case, creating beautiful flower arrangements. Things that make hours pass by like minutes. Identifying those skills or interests and figuring out how to exploit them is a key to resilience.
“I wish I woulda”: Some day, hopefully many years from now, your life will near its expiration date. Before that happens, you need to play a game of “I wish I woulda.” I’m betting that there are things you’ve always wanted to try. And now you have the time. Always enjoyed art? Order some paint and canvases from Amazon. Always wanted to Act? Take an on-line acting class. Always wanted to learn the Birds of Paradise pose? Try on-line Yoga. You get the point. By doing things that you normally wouldn’t do or that others wouldn’t expect you to do, you’ll add to your resilience reserves.
Keep a Journal: The quarantine will end soon. And you’ll go back to your crazy, hectic, stressed life that you miss so much. And you’ll wonder why you didn’t appreciate the ample supply of stillness. Why you didn’t breathe in the calm Why you didn’t utilize this once in a lifetime opportunity. Folks on Facebook are already sending their future selves messages on their wall entitled: “So I Won’t Forget”. They include reminders that, during the pandemic, gas was $1.50 per gallon. There was no traffic. Our kids were back at home. And, people slowed down and really looked out for one-another.
Nothing Beats Nice: It’s impossible to be worried and generous at the same time. So we prophylactically put the family motto into action.
Last week our family delivered 50 box lunches to Emory Hospital’s Emergency Department. Nothing makes your spirit soar like generosity.
The key to life, and the Coronavirus, just may be resilience. And the key to being resilient is emotional intelligence. You have to be prepared for life and not let life just happen around you. To get there you gotta Focus Only on Today, Move, Look in the Mirror, I Wish I Woulda, Keep a Journal, Nothing Beats Nice. These six things will do more to help you (and your kids) prepare and deal with life’s rough patches than anything else.
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How about you? Are you feeling resilient in the face of the Coronavirus? Leave a comment below, or shoot me an email at t@tomgreene.com. I guarantee you’ll hear back from me. I have time on my hands.