McLeod Buckham-White: A Quiet, Humble Soul

Our family has a motto. It’s pretty simple. It can be summed up in three words: “Nothing Beats Nice.” 

It all started years ago as a simple reminder of the need for acts of kindness in a broken world. Little did we know it would serve as a epitaph for young men we’ve loved and lost.

In 2019 I wrote about the loss of an outstanding young man, Nick Marshall. With no apparent warning, Nick Marshall climbed the Culbreth Road Parking Garage at the University of Virginia. He inserted his Apple AirPods, dialed up some haunting music, and ended his life. Read more about Nick here.

The Finest Young Man I’ve Ever Met

McLeod Buckham-White was, perhaps, the finest young man I’ve ever met. On the outside he was a quiet, humble soul whose smile and amazing voice could light up a room. On the inside, he was quietly troubled by forces greater than himself. On March 30, 2023, McLeod “slipped the surly bonds of earth”, ending the battle that had been raging inside of him.

The parallels, of course, are striking.

Lessons & Carols, The Lovett School

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth.

And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings; Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth.

McLeod was a fixture in our home during my daughter’s high school years. A friendship that any parent would cherish.

I remember walking through my house late one night and finding McLeod laying on my couch. I remember telling him how much he meant to our family. In fact, I was so enamored with him that I promised to take him “public” in an Initial Public Offering on the New York Stock Exchange. We jokingly decided we would use the ticker symbol MBW. We’d make millions from people just wanting to buy a piece of McLeod’s future. He was that special.

Tia, McLeod and Mike under the Friday night lights.

You may be thinking, how could everyone miss the tempest brewing inside of McLeod? Why didn’t they do something?

They did.

McLeod’s parents are two of the smartest, kindest people you’ll ever meet. They raised not one, but two Ivy League kids. These are the parents everyone wishes they had. I can still hear McLeod’s mom, Tia, screaming from the football stands, “I see you 31”. They never missed a football game or a Track meet.

McLeod’s parents engaged in their son’s care in ways you can’t imagine. He had the finest care in the finest of places. How many nights must they have laid awake in Atlanta wondering if the phone would ring, again, tonight.

But, what about his friends? Why didn’t they do something? The simple truth is that McLeod never hid his struggle. He wore it as a badge of honor, openly sharing his battle with honesty and candor. They loved and supported him. But, at some point, love can only do so much. There is no one to blame for our loss. The demons simply won the battle.

McLeod Buckham-White was the epitome of Nothing Beats Nice. What does that mean? It means treating all people as equals, regardless of race or sexual orientation. It means speaking to total strangers. It means thanking waitresses for the simplest level of service, like refilling half-empty water glasses. It means practicing random acts of kindness to make the world a better place. 

Of sun-split clouds, — and done a hundred things

You have not dreamed of — wheeled and soared and swung High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,

Simple stuff in a world where people are often too self-absorbed to do simple stuff, except for people like McLeod.

McLeod: The Standout Athlete

To say McLeod was gifted is, perhaps, the understatement of a lifetime. He excelled in Track & Field, but he loved the spotlight. In sixth grade chorus, MBW took to the stage for his first solo. He chose Light of the World from the musical Godspell. It’s lyrics would foreshadow what was to come:

“So let your light so shine before men
Let your light so shine
So that they might know some kindness again”

Watch video below.

Let Your Light So Shine - 6th Grade Chorus

But, on the gridiron, he was a star. Following a standout football career at The Lovett School in Atlanta, Georgia, he was recruited to the Ivy Leagues. MBW went on to excel as a Defensive Back for the Columbia College football team.

In his freshman year, he was named Ivy League Rookie of the Week twice, and he went on to earn All-Ivy honors in his junior year. Off the field, he was an exceptional student. He was a double major in computer science and economics and earned a spot on the Dean’s List.

I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung.

Up, up the long, delirious burning blue

Talking Openly About Suicide is Hard, But Important

There is no easy way to talk about suicide, particularly when it involves someone in their early twenties. We have the finest healthcare system in the world. We’ve mitigated and/or cured some of the greatest threats to mankind. Yet, many mental health conditions remain incurable. And, we struggle to recognize mental illness as a legitimate illness.

It’s fine to openly talk about Erectile Dysfunction and Bladder Leakage on television. But, we struggle to talk about mental health ─ or that our kids are taking their lives in record numbers.

The Baby Boomer generation self-medicated their pain with alcohol. The Gen X’ers and Millennials medicated their pain with anti-depressants. This generation is doing something different. They’re killing themselves in record numbers. It’s gut-wrenching.

I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace

Where never lark, or ever eagle flew

The suicide rate among people ages 10 to 24 years old climbed 56% between 2007 and 2017, according to a report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Suicide & COVID-19

The recent COVID-19 pandemic created a perfect storm. It exacerbated depression, anxiety and social isolation. As a result, suicide is now the second leading cause of death for those age 5-24. An astounding 5,568 youths living in the United States died by suicide during the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020. Almost 80% of those decedents were young men. See, men are more successful at ending their lives than women.

The Similarities of Nick Marshall & McLeod Buckham-White

The parallels between Nick Marshall and McLeod Buckham-White are striking. Both amazing athletes; both top of their class; both incredibly humble and kind, and both troubled by demons beyond our comprehension. Now, both have slipped the surly bonds of Earth, soaring through the heavens with an easy grace.

So, tomorrow we will bury our friend. And, the world will be different. Different for having lost a friend. Different for having lost a son. Different for having extinguished a point of light that shone so bright.

Our friend will soon become a memory. A memory to be treasured. Yes, we will grieve the loss of life. We will also grieve the life we lost.

Our community will grieve together. And, if we are willing, that grief will deepen and widen our ability to participate in life. For to live and to love we must also be willing to lose. Death is an unfortunate part of life. It’s a risk that is uniquely human.

It’s normal in times like these to be sad. It’s normal in times like these to be angry. And, it’s normal in times like these to question God and question our faith in Him.

But, over time, we learn to be grateful. Grateful that we had such a gift, even if only for a short period of time. Grateful for the memories we will cherish. Grateful for a gift from God that came wrapped in flesh.

In the words of Pastor John Claypool, “to be angry because a gift has been taken away is to miss the whole point of life. Gratitude and humility rather than resentment should characterize our handling of the objects of life."

And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod

The high un-trespassed sanctity of space,

Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

—John Gillespie Magee, Jr

I can only wonder if Nick Marshall and McLeod Buckham-White have met in heaven. I suspect they will share so much in common. And, that they’ll become fast friends. Friends freed from the surly bonds of earth. Wandering through the heavens practicing random acts of kindness. Free to reach out their hands and touch the face of God.