Quick question: would you be willing to exchange your children for an extremely large sum of money that would make you financially content for the rest of your life? Of course not.

A recent study on parenting in America by Pew Research presents some startling answers on what typical parents worry about. The number one concern of parents today is that our children will suffer with anxiety and/or depression. That’s not surprising. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry recently declared the mental health crisis among American children. It’s so severe that it has become a national emergency. The next biggest parental worry is the fear of being bullied.

But, the survey takes a turn towards the unexpected when it asks parents what they desire for their children in the longer term.

About 90% of parents responded that it’s extremely or very important to them that their children become financially independent. The stunning part is that parents weigh financial independence as four times more important than getting married or having a family.

Only 21% of parents say it’s extremely or very important for their children to get married. Shockingly, almost half of parents say it’s not important at all.

Even more surprising is that only 1 in 5 parents feel that it’s extremely or very important for their children to have children of their own. Almost half of parents no longer care if they become grandparents.

So, what the hell happened to the American dream of getting married and starting a family? Where did we go wrong?

We already have a country that is dealing with an epidemic of loneliness. Today, 38% of 25-54 years-olds are neither married or living with a partner. I wrote about this in an article entitled Why Young Men Lost Interest in Sex. The reason is disturbing.

Unfortunately we aren’t alone. For example, South Korea is paying new parents $770-a-month for having a child. The government is trying to reverse its waning birth rate issue.

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Ironically, a recent study reports that married people in the US earn between 4.5% to a staggering 32.6% more than their single counterparts. Women who are married out earn those who are not married by over $8,000 per year. Married people simply climb the ladder of success more quickly.

Today, 87% mothers and fathers describe being a parent as the most of one of the most important aspects of who they are as a person.

There are a six reasons why parents are changing their tune about family.

The Economy

Philip Cohen is a sociology professor at the University of Maryland, College Park. He was recently quoted in TIME magazine in response to the survey. He believes the economy is the culprit. “So they’re valuing a career over marriage because they want their kids at least to be able to take care of themselves and survive in our troubled times. And if they can pull off a marriage and family, so much the better, but it’s not the priority.”

Education

As women have become more educated, many have postponed having children into their 30’s. Women simply have more options today than they did 30 years ago.

Dating Apps

Dating applications have created a new way to find romance. But, these apps seem to present a more transactional approach to relationships. Those who are busy can engage for an evening with a potential partner without the pressures of yesteryear. Those transactional relationships can serve as a placeholder and delay the desire for a more demanding, traditional dating relationship. These transactions can delay or completely postpone the desire for marriage and/or children permanently.

UnPartnered

Birth rates and fertility rates have been declining steadily for the past eight years. Part of the reason is people are not getting married. There is a record number of people between the ages of 25-54 who are unpartnered. While it’s not impossible for an unpartnered person to have a child, it does present more of a challenge for those who are unpartnered.

Climate Change

In a 2021 Pew Research Center survey of adults without children, five percent of respondents that cited a reason for not procreating said it was due to “climate change/the environment.” When I was a kid we worried about the ozone layer and, of course, the chance of dying in quicksand. But, nobody ever suggested we shouldn’t have children.

Right/Wrong Direction

Three out of four Americans feel the country is headed in the wrong direction. And, many Americans feel that America’s best days are behind us. That hyper focus on politics can cause some people to feel disillusioned with the direction of the country.

Regardless of the reason for not getting married or having children, this is a dangerous path for the United States. Put simply, our country’s labor force relies on a healthy birth rate. To remain competitive we must keep up with other countries. Let’s encourage our young folks that career and financial security are important aspirations. But, not at the expense of marriage and family. Nobody ever said on their death bed, “I sure wish I’d spent more time at work.”

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Six Reasons Why Nobody Wants Children Anymore