The Key Ingredient to a Happy Life that Most People Avoid at all Costs
Are you happy and fulfilled in your life right now?
Happiness and fulfillment have become the hottest topics in pop-psychology today. The interwebs are full of “experts” selling five-step programs “guaranteed” to bring you happiness and eternal bliss.
These “experts” must be busy. People seem to be anxious; unsettled right now. Like they’re searching for happiness and fulfillment and can’t seem to find it.
The Day the Music Died
Prior to the Pandemic we were all on the world’s largest Merry-Go-Round. The music was blaring, the kids were screaming with joy and the air was filled with the smell of cotton candy. The world flew by in a blur. Then, the music stopped in 2020. We realized that we had been going in circles-and we were suddenly dizzy. That sudden pause created an opportunity for introspection. An opportunity to pause, to reflect and to re-evaluate life. People from all walks started asking important questions about why their life isn’t truly rewarding. Some of that resulted in people hitting the reset button. The Great Resignation of 2021 is a byproduct of this reset. People quitting their jobs by the millions in search of fulfillment elsewhere.
It’s clear that American’s priorities have changed. It’s no longer about the grind. It’s about something different now; something with meaning; something with purpose, something more fulfilling than a paycheck. Or, at least that what they say.
It’s not surprising that some people are choosing to leave their jobs. A recent survey suggests that 44% of Americans describe their job as “mediocre” and 16 percent describe their job as “bad”. Those people were already looking for an excuse to quit and 4 million Americans did quit their jobs in July 2021. People are truly looking for more meaning and fulfillment in their lives.
But, I wonder if the lack of happiness and fulfillment has little to do with where you work. Perhaps they are looking in the wrong places?
In a recent survey, 58 percent of Americans say the most essential component of happiness is having good friends. I wrote about friendships here, here and here. The friendship answer now trumps marriage, as only 25 percent of Americans now say that marriage is an essential component to a happy life. Even more surprising is that more men (32%) think that marriage is essential than women (19%).
About 56 percent of respondents feel that a having a job or career that you enjoy is essential to happiness. In the past that finding would directly correlate to earning a lot of money; not today. Only 15% say that earning a lot of money is an essential ingredient in happiness.
It suggests a big-time shift for Americans. A shift from working for advancement to working for fulfillment. Something the good people at Millennials International have been talking about for years. But, the simple truth is that most jobs are pretty unfulfilling, regardless of the money. And all jobs, regardless of the mission, stink sometimes.
The American Dream
People are basically saying that they no longer ascribe to The American Dream. A dream which typically included getting a good job, buying a house, having a family, getting a promotion, buying a bigger house, making more money. You get the point. If the data is correct, people no longer see those things as an essential part of the dream. The dream is to simply have good friends and have a job or career that you like. In fact, research suggests that only 27% of people believe that children are an essential ingredient to happiness. And, even fewer think that marriage is an essential ingredient (25%).
In the craziest finding of all, less than half the current parents (Fathers 49%/Mothers 40%) believe that children are an essential ingredient in a fulfilling life. And, mothers are less apt to support that statement than fathers.
Premium Mediocrity
This finding reminds me of the concept known as ‘premium mediocrity’, coined by Venkatesh Rao. He suggests that there is an entirely new ecosystem in the US, where people are comfortable with mediocrity. Rao describes premium mediocrity as “the finest bottle of wine at Olive Garden” and “extra-leg-room seats in Economy”. It’s the illusion of luxury, but not an actual luxury. It’s Chaps over Ralph Lauren. It’s Two-Buck Chuck over Charles Shaw wines. It’s Beyond Meat burgers over a delicious, Pittsburgh-style, bone-in ribeye. Basically anything that is lower quality but carries a name brand and a ridiculous mark-up. It’s the illusion of luxury surrounding a mediocre product or experience.
To carry the concept forward, it’s having a “committed, romantic relationship” instead of getting married. It’s getting a dog instead of having children. It’s having a job or career you enjoy rather than paying your dues and grinding out a few years as an apprentice or trainee. And, later, starting your own business and working on your own terms. It’s faux commitment; an Instagram-able life of illusion and mediocrity.
The Gap
The point here is simple. There is an enormous mis-understanding about what brings true happiness. And, it appears that people are chasing fulfillment and happiness in the wrong places.
There is a key ingredient to a fulfilling and happy life and people avoid it at all costs. You can see it in their survey responses. We’ve created a generation that is afraid to take risks; afraid to fail. Too many participation trophies, I guess.
It takes risk to commit your life in marriage to one person and publicly accept that risk in front of everyone you know. It takes risk to create another human being and raise children to be productive members of society. It takes risk to have a faith life and gamble that Jesus and Moses and Mohammed were all fairy tails. It takes risk to start your own business and earn or have a lot of money.
It seems that a life of premium mediocrity brings less risk but more happiness. It doesn’t.
No Risk, No Reward
See, what many people fail to realize is that anything worth doing has some risk. And, risk is scary. As James Clear wrote, “Fear is the gas pedal, not the brake.” It’s the risk that makes life exciting. It’s the risk and the reward that creates the opportunity for real happiness and fulfillment to flourish.
It’s taking the risk of getting married and later celebrating a 25th wedding anniversary.
It’s watching your children grow up to become amazing human beings.
It’s starting your own business to work on your own terms.
It’s making/having enough money to be wildly generous to the causes and people you love
Perhaps The Great Resignation, when 4 million Americans quit their jobs last July, was just the first tremor in a much larger upheaval. Perhaps we are headed for The Great Divorce next. Or worse.
So, you never answered the question, did you? When was the last time you were genuinely happy? i bet you took some risk to get there, didn’t you? Leave your answer below. I love hearing from my readers and I promise you’ll hear back from me.
And, one more thing, do me a favor and share this story with five people you care about, right after you leave your answer below.
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