The Happiness Laboratory: What It Is and Why It Matters
You might think that getting a better job, making more money, or winning the Powerball lottery will make you happy. But, you are dead wrong.
See, there is no objective measure of happiness. No emotional thermometer to test our temperature. But studies show that happiness isn’t about money. So the only way to objectively measure happiness is to simply ask, “how happy are you?”
Dr. Laurie Santos is a Professor at Yale University. She teaches the single most popular class ever at Yale, “The Science of Well-Being”. The class shares the latest scientific studies mixed with surprising and interesting stories to change the way students think about happiness. According to Dr. Santos, “our minds lie to us all the time. We mis-want things. We think we need to change our life circumstances to become happier. We don’t.”
The class is so popular that Dr. Santos has created a free, online version of the course. So far, over 3.6M people have completed the course online. You can also listen to her great podcast at The Happiness Lab.
So with all that buzz, I got curious about what happens in the Lab. And, more importantly, if Dr. Santos has the key to a lifetime of happiness, I want to hold that key for a minute. And, maybe take it down to The Home Depot and make a copy. So, I jumped in and decided to check out the course and save you three weeks of class time. So what did I learn?
College Kids Are a Mess: I didn’t need to take an online course to figure this one out. I have a college kid of my own. She’s all good, but last week two more undergraduate students on her campus committed suicide. They are suicides number six and seven in her two years on campus. This, after being voted the happiest students in America by The Princeton Review. It’s a symptom of a larger diagnosis. To put it simply, college kids are anxious as hell. According to the National College Health Committee, 60% of college students are overwhelmingly anxious.
2. They’re Chasing the Wrong Stuff: As Dr. Santos suggests, we mis-want things. We tend to think if we just had more stuff we’d be happier. And, when I say stuff, I (mostly) mean money. But when we get the new stuff, it’s like the dog that chases cars. When he finally sinks his teeth into the back right quarter panel on the Chevy Impala, he’s not sure what to do with it.
There is no objective measure of happiness. No emotional thermometer to test our temperature. So the only way to objectively measure happiness is to simply ask, “how happy are you?”
In reality, more money makes us happier but only to a point. The study below shows “nail in the coffin” proof of happiness and money. Happiness improves with money, but only until about $75,000 per year. Then it pancakes.
So the real question here isn’t “how do I get what I want?” The real question is “what do I want?”
This desire for more money is the reason for #1. The kids are a mess cause they’re stressed about getting better grades, fancier internships that will ultimately lead to, you guessed it, a higher paying job.
Now, if better grades and a higher paying job doesn’t lead to happiness and enhanced well-bring, what does?
Social connection: one of the things that separates “very happy people” from “not so happy people” is the amount of time they spend with people they care about. But the shocker here is that very short interactions with a complete stranger can also improve your mood and wellbeing. See, people predict that burying their face into a slew of TikTok videos while riding the bus will make them happy. But, studies show people are much happier when they interact with other humans. We seek solitude when being social would make us a lot happier.
You can check out more artwork by John Weiss at www.johnpweiss.com
Now think about your typical college kid riding a bus. Are they talking to strangers? Doubtful. This generation buries their face in an iPhone faster than a tornado rips through an Alabama trailer park.
2. Doing Things You Love: According to Dr. Santos, “Happy people are ones that prioritize time, focusing on their signature strengths — those kinds of things you love in the world. They're the things that give you flow, that you love so much that you're really present in the moment.” When you’re in flow you can block out the entire world. You forget to eat. You forget to go to sleep. You forget to go to the bathroom until it’s almost too late. And, that’s how you find your signature strengths.
3. Random Intentional Generosity: People who practice random generosity are happier. In a recent study, one researcher handed out $20 bills to complete strangers. They were asked to spend the $20 on themselves or on another person. Those that spent the money on another person were much happier at the end of the study.
You may have heard me say that #nothingbeatsnice. It’s our family motto. But it turns out that happier people take frequent opportunities to do nice things for other people. We simply underestimate the impact of generosity on our own well-being.
4. Altruism: People who give more money to charity and voluntarily spend time helping others are happier than those who don’t. And this finding holds true for every income level.
Warren Buffett, Gazillionaire and all-around nice guy
But, what about Billionaires? Do they get an exponential jolt of dopamine for giving? Well, just ask Warren Buffett. He has given away $41 Billion of his fortune, as outlined in his annual shareholder letter. According to Buffett, “Over many decades I have accumulated an almost incomprehensible sum simply by doing what I love to do. I’ve made no sacrifice nor has my family. Compound interest, a long runway, wonderful associates and our incredible country have simply worked their magic. Society has a use for my money; I don’t.”
In order to put this whole happiness theory to the test, I created my own Happiness Laboratory. I commissioned 25 friends to help me. We each committed to complete (and document) at least ten random, intentional acts of generosity and kindness in 90 days. We will meet in a “happiness summit” to compare stories of our 250 random acts. So far, I’ve completed eighteen and I’m already happier. Here is a sampling:
Tipped Beatrice, the Waffle House waitress, $100.
On a recent flight, I gave up my first-class seat to an active duty military soldier. Total cost: $0
At the grocery store, a woman behind me had a single item in her basket. I grabbed the bottle of Jane’s Crazy Mixed-Up Salt from her basket, scanned it onto my grocery bill and handed it back to her with a “have a nice day, ma’am.” She was speechless. Total cost: who cares?
The woman next to me at the gas station had a banged-up mini-van full of kids. I paid for her gas. She cried. The kids cheered. Total cost: $70.
Stopped the garbage truck on my street. Tipped the trash lady $100.
Maybe the lesson here for all of us, including the angsty college kids, is simple. Stop chasing the things that we think will bring us happiness. And, start chasing the things that are scientifically proven to bring us happiness. Things that will enhance our well-being. Things that will make us truly happy. Things that will make the world a better place. Simply put, happy people make other people happy.
It’s not hard. Just spend time with those you love, be nice to strangers, do more of the things you love, practice random intentional generosity, and occasionally volunteer. And, if you get the chance, buy a complete stranger a bottle of Jane’s Crazy Mixed-Up Salt.
Is there something that truly makes you happy? If so, I’d like to hear about it below. I love hearing from my readers and I promise you’ll hear back from me.
And, one more thing, do me a favor and share this story with a friend, right after you leave a comment below.
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